I've always been a bit of a non-conformist. I was the geeky spectacled one who got picked on at school for being 'different', although at that age I didn't know exactly what was different about me. It went deeper than wearing glasses and off trend trainers and I took the bullying to heart, believing I must just be weird. At grammar school I gained confidence, finding my own group of friends to hang out with, but that feeling of being different remained with me. I'd always felt something wasn't quite right about the aspirations drummed in to us and that uneasy feeling was confirmed by my first work experience week in a solicitor's office in Belfast. I hated every moment in the drab office block, the boring paperwork, the stifling atmosphere, the long commute in awkward silence with fellow passengers. I was determined that this would not be the story of my life.
However, here I am. 31 years old, a single parent to two young children and a full time office worker. I leave the house at 8am and fill my day with repetitive, meaningless busywork from which I derive very little personal satisfaction. I return at 6pm to a whirlwind of chatter, movement and activity and I must begin to prepare the evening meal, wash clothes, check schoolbags and get everything ready for the next day. By the time the kids are in bed it's 9pm and I'm physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Now many people have told me I should think myself lucky - I have a stable, well paid job and my kids are at a decent school after all. I should accept it and look forward to weekends, holidays and ultimately, retirement. Quite honestly, I feel sick to my stomach at the thought that this might be it.
I have recently finished reading 'The Art of Non-Conformity' by Chris Guillebeau and something just clicked into place. I don't have to conform, I don't have to follow anybody's rules. And I need to start doing things that make me happy right now.
This is the beginning of a journey. A series of ventures which are forming in my mind. A new way of living my life. Through this blog I want to share it, but I also hope to find support from others out there who are living their own journeys of non-conformism. More to come very soon!
I can't wait to read more, because I identify with everything you say. Well, nearly all, as I'm not a single parent, I'm a... double parent, I guess. At the same time, I think an awful lot of folks hate the drabness and boredom and awkwardness, even if you can't read it on their faces. The years have sanded the expression off their faces, but they still carry a knot in their stomach. But very few people step out of line, because being yourself is quite risky. It requires a level of self-confidence that usually gets squelched before we're out of school, and is only trampled further at most jobs. So, kudos to you for not being trampled.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement Steve! It is risky and, quite frankly, terrifying, especially moving out of a very stable, well-paid job (that I hate). Do you blog at all?
DeleteI too identify with it all, Ruth, and I love the idea of jumping out of that box. Going self employed and finally letting go of some of those 'have-to's'/'shoulds' was one of the best things I've done in recent years. After having my son I just couldn't stomach those kinds of meaningless jobs anymore - any time not with my son, I wanted to be doing things I loved. So handing in my resignation to the job I was on maternity leave from was a first step - going into the abyss. I am feeling more fulfilment and it's an ongoing process but I'm happy to be on this journey, and I look forward to hearing more of yours!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments Morgan! I actually have a post in mind all about that annoying little word "should"! Good for you taking that step out of meaningless work, stay in touch x
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