Decisions

In the ten or so weeks since I last posted I have quit my job as a civil servant in Northern Ireland and moved to the bustling, cosmopolitan heart of Britain. Yes, you've guessed it........Leicester! Ok, so it may not have the glamour of London, the prestige of Bristol or the sun n' fun of Brighton,  but I think it's GREAT and as an added bonus every man and his dog seems to have a relative in Northern Ireland. Very homely indeed.

"So, why Leicester?" - a question I have been asked a lot recently. In fact, I've been asking myself the same question for months, but substituting different city names all over England! The whole process of deciding where to move brought home a well known idiom in a very tangible way: You can't have your cake and eat it too. I searched and searched for the place I wanted to live: affordable, lots of job opportunities, good schools, not-too-big, not-too-small, multicultural, liberal, good transport links and so on. I also wanted to be close to my boyfriend, who I'd been with for six months at that point.

Of course, that place did not exist and I had to start the much more difficult process of prioritising my wish list. I learnt a lot about myself during that time of introspection as I grappled with whether I would be willing to live in a flat, work full time, send the kids to a school in special measures, spend most of my income on rent, live on benefits for a few months, commute to work, give up my dream career in international development or live 3 hours away from my boyfriend.

I reaffirmed my values through the choices I made. An affordable rented house with a garden allows freedom from large financial commitments, space to create a home for myself and the kids and a garden to enjoy the nature and the outdoors. The house may need a bit of work, and I do live next door to a live music venue, but the things that are important to me have been fulfilled. I can live with a bit of the Bobby Sunshine Revival Band on a Saturay night! The local school is in special measures, but a visit showed an enthusiastic new headteacher and a lot of changes taking place. The kids have settled in almost instantaneously, and we are all delighted with the school and the new friendships that are being formed. Some people would be horrified that I chose to send my children to a school in special measures but when I visited I saw a school where children are happy learning, as well as evidence of improvement in those areas where it was needed. While I value education, I also think school should be about so much more than just English and Maths tests.

In this way, choice after choice was made and I have forged my path to this moment in time. I am now 32 years old and continue to learn so much about life. But I still think it's always better to eat the cake than to have it.....

Career Expectations

I've always been fairly academic and through grammar school I unquestionably accepted the life path that seemed to have been predetermined for me. Study hard, go to university, graduate with a good degree and launch your career in the chosen area, probably law in my case. It never occurred to me that there were alternatives. The dissatisfaction I felt with my work experience, detailed in my earlier post, bothered me, and, somewhat rebelliously perhaps, I decided to study languages instead of law at university.

The language studies took me to Nicaragua, where I lived for almost 4 years, set up a business, married and had a daughter. Although I enjoyed running the business, I had to return to the UK (more about that in future posts!) and I chose Northern Ireland as my family were living there. Six months after arriving I received a letter informing me that I had been successful in a tough graduate programme and had been offered a post in the Northern Ireland Civil Service. "Finally!" I thought to myself "It's the career I've been waiting for!"

Three years later I found myself desperately unhappy at work, separated from my husband, bankrupt and with two small children to care for. Things just hadn't worked out the way I had expected. I began to consider how I could find a job doing something I enjoyed and looked into International Development. I began a Masters in Development Management but struggled to keep up with the studies and the cost. Jobs in the sector were scarce and required experience.

Then I read "The Art of Non-Conformity" and one particular sentence really struck me:

“You don’t have to live your life the way other people expect you to.” 

I think it was then that I realised I've been trying to conform to society's expectations by thinking only in terms of a "career path". I don't need to wait for the elusive dream job, I can start doing what I want to do right away. This realisation was a moment of liberation for me, liberation from the pressure of "the career" which has been bearing down on me since the age of 14, perhaps even younger. 

I'm going back to the hope I had when I was a kid, the days that I used to tell people "When I'm grown up I'm going to travel the world in a camper van and write books". The long lost inspiration is coming back and I'm so excited to see where it takes me. It might not be a camper van just yet, but the world is once again my oyster. 

In the beginning...

I've always been a bit of a non-conformist. I was the geeky spectacled one who got picked on at school for being 'different', although at that age I didn't know exactly what was different about me. It went deeper than wearing glasses and off trend trainers and I took the bullying to heart, believing I must just be weird.   At grammar school I gained confidence, finding my own group of friends to hang out with, but that feeling of being different remained with me. I'd always felt something wasn't quite right about the aspirations drummed in to us and that uneasy feeling was confirmed by my first work experience week in a solicitor's office in Belfast. I hated every moment in the drab office block, the boring paperwork, the stifling atmosphere, the long commute in awkward silence with fellow passengers. I was determined that this would not be the story of my life.

However, here I am. 31 years old, a single parent to two young children and a full time office worker. I leave the house at 8am and fill my day with repetitive, meaningless busywork from which I derive very little personal satisfaction. I return at 6pm to a whirlwind of chatter, movement and activity and I must begin to prepare the evening meal, wash clothes, check schoolbags and get everything ready for the next day. By the time the kids are in bed it's 9pm and I'm physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Now many people have told me I should think myself lucky - I have a stable, well paid job and my kids are at a decent school after all. I should accept it and look forward to weekends, holidays and ultimately, retirement. Quite honestly, I feel sick to my stomach at the thought that this might be it.

I have recently finished reading 'The Art of Non-Conformity' by Chris Guillebeau and something just clicked into place. I don't have to conform, I don't have to follow anybody's rules. And I need to start doing things that make me happy right now.

This is the beginning of a journey. A series of ventures which are forming in my mind. A new way of living my life. Through this blog I want to share it, but I also hope to find support from others out there who are living their own journeys of non-conformism. More to come very soon!